sim card (RANT WARNING, D'ACCORD?)

its so crazily evil. I hate it, i hate phones, i hate people eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Care to explain? Fine. Right so the boy that i like that is my semi-boyfriend thing whatever i have delelted his number to encourage myself to depart from texting him and to ensure that he texts me first. However this evening while i was unwinding watching my girl 2, sequel to my fave film, i basics decided to ring him on his home phone instead and like eurgh i just feel like im trying way too hard to make something work that is broken. its like what i want is to be with him but not when he is like this i cant stand it! He like rants to me and lectures me trying to teach me and i understand that he is clever and i think its cool i just want him to be the same boy that i fell in love with. I want him to be the protector rather than the teacher. like i want to chill out and not be stressed by him, im scared that we are both going to lose this because we cant glean the truth, i need him in my life but not when its like this. Life is such a let down, it starts off all optimistic and the media ensure us that we have 'a bright future' but its a load of shit. Its all shit. Its like im not so good at this whole life thing, i dont fit in with the cool kids, i dont get the top grades, i dont agree with politicians, i smoke, i drink, i do rediculously stupid things with boys that i shouldnt. Im a joke to society, i call myself a believer in god, and i do. Its just hard in a society thats so sinful and hate ridden to find something to smile about, and i can sit and make excuses for my weakness, cause thats what it is at the end of the day. No one else can succeed at life but me, only i can make something of myself or not. God's got the roads mapped out and i just dont know what to do. I want to smile and be happy but more and more often the things that make me happy arent conventional or come at a price. And the bottom line? Conversation killer and plague evidence is clear, im a sad lonely child without a father. Yes, a semi-orphan now of 4 months and its gone so quick.Im troubled, anxious and rude. i play up and attention seek, as well as being far too vain for my own good. CAuse im weak. I cry and its a character flaw im not proud of. I shift blame onto others and lie to people im supposed to love, its stupid just how much of a fuck up i have become. WHAT IS IT ALL FOR? June is here in like a week - officially summer i hereby decree from my pompous little chair of summer decreeing etc. AND I JUST WANT IT TO BE LIKE IN THE MOVIES. its three months of happiness followed by 9 of rain and pain. OH poetic i know please dont clap. And to be brutally honest, this stupid pathetic little rant was worthless anyway, cause in the grand scheme of things life is generally good if your name is Sophie Turner. But im not, Im a sad little girl who has the mental age of an 11 year old, aspires to be like Macaulay Culkin because he is amazing and yet fails miserably at everything she puts her hands to. Who am i? Well i have NO FUCKING CLUE, but i want to be so much and im willing to try so hard to do it that im becoming something i despise. I should really feel the need to sort my life out and yet im so past caring about fucking society and being perfect that i will just sit and do nothing because, at the end of the day no one can fail at doing nothing.
Want to know a secret, little bitches?
Sparrow isnt actually my last name and im not related to captain jack.
Jokes on you, eh?
-Love Effie ;) x x x